Cell Phone Jamming A Blast!

A couple of months ago I wrote a column in Quick Printing magazine (http://bit.ly/pFMrxt) basically taking to task the poor manners and boorish behavior of folks who use cell phones in restaurants. I find it especially offensive when folks seem to take some delight in sharing their private conversations with others by talking a bit louder than necessary. You know the type!

Well, I am getting the last laugh these days. I purchased a cell-phone jammer. The bad news is it cost me about $159. The good news.... no make that the outstanding news, is that I haven't had this much fun since I got my first chemistry set set more than 55 years ago and started impressing folks with all types of chemistry "magic."

Supposedly, cell-phone jammers are illegal to use in the U.S. except in rare occasions and I am sure than my situations do not qualify under these "special exemptions." Nonetheless, I figure the FTC, FCC and DOJ have better things to do with their limited resources than to come after me and impose their $10,000 fines for blocking cell phone signals.

Let me make it clear for these alphabet soup agencies and departments.... I've blocked cell phone signals, and will continue to do so because it is so much damn fun!

It is almost too difficult to convey how much fun it can me. Now mind you, I am a selective cell phone jammer. I am not going to block cell phone calls casually. If a woman is going into contractions and her husband has to use his cell phone to dial 911 I won't activate my little device.

On the other hand, if this husband is sitting next to me at a bar or restaurant and begins to carry on a lengthy and loud conversation with his sister-in-law about the latest measurements of his wife's cervix and when they might be going to the hospital I am going to call a halt to this disgusting and obnoxious phone call ASAP!

I just flick the switch and on comes the green light. Interestingly enough, and beyond my comprehension, is that the device seems to warm up as to its signal strength. It is more than just an "on" or "off" situation.

Once turned on, I can check my own cell phone and slowly see the reception or strength bars suddenly start to drop off... one, then two, then three, and suddenly no bars whatsoever.... followed quickly with a message on my cell phone "searching."

The same thing happens with the signal indicator for Wi-Fi strength.... they start to drop off one at a time until once again nothing!!!

The other day Mary and stopped at our favorite bar on the beach. I had to test my jammer, and I didn't have to wait too long until an obnoxious guy with a big mouth started trying to impress the folks around him. While he was talking, he started to dial a number on his Iphone.

I told Mary, "Watch this," as I flicked the switch to the "on" position. The device, which looks almost identical to a small cell phone itself, sat next to my drink. I don't have to point the device in any specific direction, but I get a special sense of power when I do so I just sort of swiveled it around and pointed it his direction.

First thing I notice is he is giving a strange look at the face of of his Iphone. The next thing he does is hold it up closer to his ear and speaks into it.... nothing is happening, at least not at his end, and I start grinning.

He apparently has a short fuse, and now stands up at his bar seat and sort of starts shaking his cell phone as if it to punish it or as if it is going to reignite the signal.... it doesn't. I start thinking whether there is a "shaken cell phone" syndrome that I should report.


Finally, while still standing, he holds his Iphone up towards the ceiling at arms length (this guy is tall, probably 6-3) as if somehow trying to improve his signal strength. Of course, even if this worked, I don't know how he could carry on a conversation with the phone that far away from his ear.

I look down at my own phone just to check.... zero bars, zero Wi-Fi.... the only problem is trying to restrain my modest grin and trying to keep it from growing into a full-blown laugh!

The guy is beside himself... he finally stormed out of the bar and went out to the deck near the beach where he was finally able to regain a signal. Of course, that's where he should have gone to begin with rather than staying at the bar.

I can't wait to visit this expensive, high-end restaurant in Tampa where my story about obnoxious cell phone users had its origins.

I keep thinking of even funnier things to do..... let someone initiate a phone call, then jam it and cause him to lose a signal. Then turn it off and see his eyes light up as he regains the signal, but as soon as he gets the first 3-4 words out then turn the jammer back on.... done enough times, I think even a sane person would start considering thoughts of mayhem or suicide, which would be fine for me if that's his final decision.

I am slowly accumulating a entire chapter worth of little stories like this. Some folks probably think I am crazy or at least a bit insane but of course that's nothing new and I take it as a compliment.

You should hear about the woman who got a private call at another restaurant on Saturday.... Ok, I don't have time to tell that story, at least not now.